Your easy guide to hosting a dinner party

“Company’s Coming!”  Mom’s voice rang out in her much too chipper voice.   My heart sank.  It meant that on top of our Saturday morning chores, my sister, Marilyn and I would be asked to help out.  I didn’t mind serving cocktail wieners (which for those of you born after 1970, were mechanically deboned pork processed to look like little toes floating in a bloody tomato sauce).

Company's coming!

Our house had to be perfect.  Company towels replaced the threadbare,  everyday ones.  The plastic slipcovers came off the couch and chair.  Silverware was polished until it gleamed.  Mom would vacuum the carpet leaving perfectly straight lines, even though it had just been vacuumed the day before.  After breakfast, we’d sit at the kitchen table, stuffing mushroom caps with cream cheese or wrapping marinaded water chestnuts with bacon, fastening them with frilly, cellophane- topped toothpicks.  I don’t think anybody would even know what a water chestnut is if it weren’t for bacon.   Marilyn and I would change into our matching dresses and serve these morsels perched on paper doily-lined platters to guests.  The men would typically wolf them back, hardly glancing at them.  The women, though, would ooh and aah and ask Mom for the recipes.  As for us, we only hoped there’d be leftovers because, while guests would enjoy a gourmet feast, our dinner on “company” nights was usually a sandwich or Kraft dinner.  

Ten years later,  I’m a new bride sitting in church and as the music begins,  my sweet husband, Andrew whispers in my ear, “I’ve just invited a few friends over for lunch” and even though Amazing Grace is on my lips, all I can think is..

“What’s in the cupboard?”

“Are the dirty breakfast dishes on the table?”

“Are his underwear still hanging on the doorknob?” 

And then came the thought that struck the most terror,

“When was the last time I vacuumed?”

Almost 50 years later, friends, family, guests from 22 countries around the world and often strangers have graced our table.  Sometimes it’s been a bowl of chili and a bun.  Other times, it’s been a 5-course gourmet meal.  That couldn’t have happened if not for an epiphany that came in the form of a book. 

This game changer is called, “Open Heart, Open Home” by Karen Burton Mains and in it, she described the difference between hospitality and entertainment. 

Entertainment  is all about the host.  Is the food beautifully served?  Is it delicious?  How clean is the home? Are linens freshly starched? How lovely, new and on-trend are the furnishings? 

Hospitality comes from the Latin word “hospes”.  It’s where we get the words, hospital, hospice, and hotel.  Hospitality focuses not on the host but on the guest’s comfort.  I read the book 3 times and gradually learned tips and tricks to move from feeling totally overwhelmed at the thought of hosting to actually looking forward to receiving guests into our home. 

If you’re new at hosting and don’t know where to begin, here’s some meat and by all means, spit out the bones!     

• Send out invitations either by email, text or if you want to to make your guests feel regal- a hand-written invitation delivered by snail mail. Do ask if there are any dietary restrictions.

• Prepare as much in advance as possible. I often set the table the night before.  

• Get a good instrumental playlist going.  Silence around a table where people don’t know each other can feel awkward. Music is a social lubricant.  

• When guests arrive, greet them warmly.  I open my arms and if they’re comfortable hugging, they’ll lean in.  If not, they’ll extend their hand which I grasp firmly.  Then hang up  their coats, or if there’s no room in your closet, place them on a bed.  Let them know if they should remove their shoes or not, and offer a drink.  If serving alcohol, always provide a non-alcoholic choice.  

• Encourage them to enjoy the appetizers.  If you’re alone and have some last minute prep, invite them into your kitchen while you finish up.  I like serving apps in the living room so people aren’t sitting in the same chair all night.  A numb bum’s no fun!

• I usually begin serving the first course about 30 minutes after the last guest arrives.  

• Toss the salad, or ladle the soup and put it at each place setting before calling them to the table.   

• Try not to put all the introverts at one end of the table.  Mix it up!

• Before the meal begins, and if it is your custom, ask your guests if they’re comfortable with pausing a moment to give thanks.  

• Don’t cause your guest to feel rushed by clearing any dishes before the last guest has finished.   I usually allow about 10 minutes between courses.  

• If you’re serving the meal family- style (passing bowls of food around the table), choose your serving bowls/ platters ahead of time and if you have a lot of dishes, you may wish to put a slip of paper in each one, reminding you of what food goes into each dish with the appropriate serving utensils beside them. Then you’re not fishing around last minute trying to find the ladle or fork while the food’s getting cold.  

• Before dessert is served, ask guests if they like tea or coffee with dessert.  Provide decaf and herbal options as well.  

• After the last guest is finished, clear the plates and offer more beverages. I’ve learned that there’s a subtle difference when asking the whole group, “Do you want anything more to drink?”  or standing next to each guest with a carafe of their beverage of choice.  The former can sometimes sound like, “Ok- dinner’s over.  Time to go!”  By standing next to each guest, you’re saying, “I want you to stay.”  

• Often, when the general conversation winds down, one guest will leave and the rest follow shortly.  But not always.  Sometimes a  guest will  linger long after the others have departed.  Some of our best conversations have been with folks who stayed behind to share some burden or concern that they didn’t feel comfortable sharing in the larger group. 

• Always, always, always see each guest to the door.   I sometimes will have a little take-away gift like some baking or a small jar of preserves.  I also enjoy having them sign a guest book so I can look back and recall our time together.

But the most important thing is to not take yourself too seriously. Have fun!